


january 23rd

by punkrockbadger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 16:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3256358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockbadger/pseuds/punkrockbadger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When James Potter is almost seventeen, in early January, he realizes he is in love with Lily Evans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	january 23rd

When James Potter is almost seventeen, in early January, he realizes he is in love with Lily Evans.

He is sitting on a park bench in the snow, lamenting the fact that he has once again dressed inappropriately for the weather instead of going inside, when he spots a patch of grass poking through the snow and thinks first of her eyes instead of spring.

And after that small, innocent wondering starts the flood, more thoughts follow— everything has become marked by her in some small way, by annoyance or by happiness, and he wants so badly to tell her. He wants to tell her so badly that he thinks of her smile when the afternoon sun shines over them, that he’d turn the world on its head for her, but nothing comes out when he tries to explain.

And that’s good, considering she is alright with being his friend, finally, and he doesn’t want to ruin all of this. He doesn’t want her leaving him, not when being her friend is incredible and something beyond what he’d imagined being around her could be like. He just wants to be  _around_  her forever and—

Oh no.

That’s  _definitely_  something you don’t say out loud.

It feels different to think those words when they’re about her, different from telling Sirius or Remus or Peter that he’ll spend forever with them if there’s free food, because he doesn’t think that he’d need free food as incentive to be around Lily Evans forever. Her being around is more than enough of a reward. Oh, there he goes again.

Perfect.

He hides it away in his heart, tries his best to forget how his heart beats faster when she is around, and spends the summer forgetting her, wiping every trace of her from his head as much as he is able. But that’s hard, when everything from the blades of grass to the whisper of the wind through trees reminds him of her. It is hard and time consuming, but finally, he claws himself back to a place where he thinks he no longer needs her to breathe.

"Finally, Prongs!" Sirius exclaims gleefully. "We were worried that you’d be in love with Evans  _forever_.”

"Yeah." James says, smiling wide, as the train speeds them back to Hogwarts. He will likely never hear the end of it for not meeting Lily (he  _knows_  she’s Head Girl, they all do) in the Prefect’s Compartment, but that’s alright. Anything to keep his fragile peace a little longer. “That’s over now.”

 _"But is it?"_ The little voice in his head that he hates listening to asks, and James goes back to watching the scenery roll by as his friends (no, brothers) go back to laughing over nothing.

The hills are green.

And so are her eyes.

There’s no way he’s getting out of this one alive.


End file.
